Nazi Zombies! Run!!!

I really wish I had thought of this...Thanks to my friend Linda for sharing.

Is this typical of husbands?

Earlier today I went to the fridge to get a drink and noticed an open can of soda on one of the shelves. Since I wasn't very thirsty and no one in our house is currently sick, I took a sip. I immediately regretted my decision since it was flat and nasty. A few hours later I was working on our floors (We are in the process of refinishing our hardwood floors-more to come on that later) when from the kitchen I heard my wife say, "BLECH!!!". I immediately knew what had happened and realized I must have put the flat soda back in the fridge. I swear, I didn't do it intentionally.

Remember in the Terminator movie when a guy comes knocking on Arnold Schwarzenegger's door asking why his room smells like a dead cat? Then the camera view changes to show what the Terminator sees along with a list of possible replies such as:

• I'm sorry.
• Go away.
• Leave me alone.
• Fuck you asshole.

Well I operate in a similar manner. After I heard my wife's exclamation of "BLECH!!!" my Terminator screen displayed the following option of possible replies:

• What happened?
  
• I'm sorry Honey, I did the same thing and should have thrown it away.
• Must have been the kids.
• I heard on the news some sicko is running around leaving flat sodas in people's refrigerators.
• HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  
• Sucks to be you!

Obviously I should have chosen the second option but I didn't. Instead I ignored them all and said nothing. I'm not proud of my decision but I had no other option. It's how they programmed me.

Illegal use of the scrotum

No matter what people say, sometimes it really is better to give up than keep fighting.

Back to school

Tomorrow will begin my third week back in college after a small (uh..20ish year) break. So far, so good. Initially I felt very out of place being surrounded by so much youth but I'm making new friends each day and am finding my way. Other than a comment made in jest by one of my new friends about being born the year I graduated high school, I don't feel nearly as old as I thought I would.

I'm not officially in the Radiography program yet. There are a limited number of available slots so I guess I should work on a backup plan should I not get admitted. I've reconnected with some old friends via facebook who work for the local hospitals and I'm trying to see if any of them have any pull at my college. At the very least, I would like to spend some time with a Radiographer. Part of the admittance process is an interview with the department head and I would like to sound like I know at least a little about radiology.

Tomorrow is my first test so I guess I should stop playing on my blog and get back to studying...

Hot, young, chicks

I will officially be back in school Monday after an almost twenty year break. Today I hit the campus bookstore to pick up my textbooks. My wife decided she wanted to tag along to check out the school with me. I've been a few times before to talk to advisors, sign up for classes, etc. and each time I felt very out of place. I'll be 40 this year which or course is over twice the age of most of my fellow students.

I normally don't have much of a wandering eye (hey, I'm still a guy) but it seemed to be an extraordinarily high number of attractive college girls out there today. I was wise enough to keep my thoughts to myself however. It didn't take long for my wife to notice though and she said something to the effect of, "I bet it's going to be rough on you being surrounded by all these hot, young chicks." Now normally I use humor to diffuse a tense situation but something about the look in her eyes told me to tread very carefully. I replied, "Once you've had one nubile twenty year old goddess, you've had them all...and that's my intention...to have them all!" No, I didn't actually say that. I'm here typing this, right? I assured her I had no interest in anything other than studying which seemed to make her happy.

Surprise me

I was going to do my second annual post on a surprise Christmas gift for my wife when I found this and didn't have the courage to look any further.

My wife is strange because she expects me to buy her gifts based solely on how well I know her. Sure, she gives me a list but it's what I buy that she didn't ask for that can mean the most. Bear in mind I've only known her for sixteen years. Silly woman.

I started my search online (what husbands would do before the Internet is beyond me) and was beginning to get a little discouraged. Sure, I was finding some great gift ideas, but nothing blogworthy. Just as I was about to give up, I found the Sasi. Wow. Last year the ijoyride caused me some concern regarding the future of men. Now, there is the Sasi. Not only does this thing "do as it's told" (0:39) it also has the ability to remember what she likes (0:49). Add in a "mow the grass" and "tell her she is pretty"feature and it's all over for us fellas.

There is also a demonstration by a woman identified as a "Sex Advocate/Model". Don't get too excited guys, she is fully clothed. I only mention it because I got a chuckle from her "Sex Advocate" label. I was not aware of any club for pro-sex people. Does this mean there is an anti-sex group out there somewhere? If so, they must be a sad, lonely group of people.

To my wife's credit, after viewing this she looked unimpressed and said "That thing couldn't even come close to doing what you do for me."

**While work safe I should give an "mature content" warning due to subject matter. There is also the aforementioned demo by the "Sex Advocate"**

Dickens of a Christmas

I love this time of the year. I know the holidays are tough for many people but I'm lucky to say I had a great childhood for the most part. Many fond memories come bubbling up this time of the year for me. I hate to sound cliche but it has nothing to do with receiving gifts. It's not that I don't like getting presents, I do. I just prefer a gift for the sake of giving rather than someone feeling obligated to get me something because it's "that time of the year." I also feel guilty when I see the amount of consumerism going on when so many have so little (or nothing at all). I'm not innocent either. I spend an obscene amount on my kids. Well, obscene to me especially considering our household is down to one income. Anyway, I digress.
Our town holds an annual event known as "Dickens of a Christmas". Parades, dog costume contests, horse drawn carriage rides, and people in Victorian garb are all a small part of the experience. It's always great fun and the kids love it. I get that magical Christmasy feeling that reminds me of being a kid. It's always packed but most everyone seems to have the Christmas spirit and there is little of the rudeness that often accompanies large gatherings of strangers.
This year, my kids, wife, a friend of my daughter's and I attended. The weather was clear but brutally cold. I prefer the cold though. Christmas would not be the same with warm weather. We watched the parade till we lost feeling in our fingers then sought refuge, food and warmth in one of the many downtown restaurants. After dinner we mingled with other shoppers among the street vendors selling their goods in my town's market square. It was a great night.